Toxic Friendships | Being Friends with People like Alison Dilaurentis

Toxic friendships are a topic that I find extremely important to talk about. It is absolutely heartbreaking to have seen so many people fall victim to them. I narrowly missed getting myself into one a few times. In case you weren't aware, a toxic friendship is a friendship that is emotionally or physically taxing and makes one feel worse rather than better. 

When I think of a toxic friendship, I see more a parasitic type of relationship because all it does is drain the other party's happiness. That's why I consider the girls of Pretty Little Liars to have a toxic friendship with Alison. Neither party is truly happy.

Like I said earlier, I narrowly missed a toxic friendship myself. I feel as though many girls are taught that girl drama is completely natural and it's just a part of growing up but I would like to disagree. I am disappointed to live in a society where girls hurting other girls is "normal". And because I was taught by society to feel this way, I didn't really think much of it when I started getting into some girl drama myself. 

Five years later, elementary school and fifth grade seems so far away. But I still remember how one day, a new girl came to school and seemingly all of my friends flocked to her and I followed. But I guess she didn't want me anywhere near her because she was constantly rude and often tried to embarrass me in front of all of my classmates. I told my teacher because that's what my teachers always told me to do when bullied but my teacher passed it off by saying that I "was being too sensitive" and I was heartbroken that she would treat me that way but I guess it was halfway through the year so I sucked it up and continued being "friends" with the new girl.

I continued that way until the year was ending when I found some really good friends but middle school was worse. I kept putting myself into friendships that led me to act out toward other friends that I cared about and that cared about me. And for that I apologize. After seventh grade ended and I moved to a different school thinking that I was free. I kept in contact with them for a little while but I quickly stopped when I realized how much I didn't need them and they made it obvious too. They told me to stop talking to them and I could not have been more relived. 

The next three years have been great and I have been so happy with the friendships that I have and the only regrets that I have are that I didn't stop the friendships sooner. At the time I didn't know what a toxic friendship was.

Signs that You Might Be in a Toxic Friendship:

1) You are forced to become someone you're not/don't want to be. 

The best friendships push you to be the best version of yourself NOT the worst. 

2) They need you all the time.

In a good friendship, it is normal to rely on each other for support and help but someone who sticks to you constantly and is draining is toxic.

3) They emotionally or physically hurt you.

Physical violence is extremely toxic and not justifiable. However, most girl drama is much sneakier and less obvious and takes place emotionally. Things like guilting, pointing out insecurities, name calling and shaming are all toxic.

Those are the three main signs of a toxic friendship. But they are not to say that if a "friend" does one of these things, they are toxic. Everyone has a bad day and one offense (other than physical violence which is NOT ACCEPTABLE) does not mean that the person is toxic but if anything happens constantly or more then you are comfortable, they are. The best judge of whether a friendship is toxic is to see how you feel while in that relationship. If you feel happy, supported and loved, then the relationship most likely is not toxic but if you are scared, depressed or miserable, the relationship is probably toxic.

I have seen so many toxic friendships, ones where when of my current friends found herself in a relationship where everything was about her toxic friend and that friend demanded constant attention.

This does not mean that toxic friends can't change but rather they have too much going on that they need to work out on their own that it's best to stay away. I have had a few of those toxic friends that have reached out to me years later and although we aren't great friends, there are no hard feelings. Some of these friends haven't reached out at all and I think I'm okay with that too.

Leave your opinions and experiences with toxic friends in the comments because I would love to get to know how you plan on overcoming bad friendships, if you did, or you have been lucky enough to have never had to experience that before.